Digressions on Tali
by Scutter
Summary: The next in my Digressions series, in which each ficlet begins with the same opening line. Tali's line is 'Tali walked into the room.'
1. Decontamination

**Digressions on Tali**

Tali's part of my digressions series, in which each ficlet starts with the same line. Thank you to Agin, over at Archive of Our Own, for the opening line, which is 'Tali walked into the room'.

**Decontamination**

Tali walked into the room… and immediately wished she hadn't. What was that smell?! She edged cautiously further into the apartment, following the smell to the kitchen…

"Oh, Keelah… Jack! Jack, where the hell are you?"

"What?" Jack came sauntering around the corner, looking as relaxed as could be, despite the smell of… it was like rotting fish mixed with bad eggs.

"What is Eezo eating?" The varren was sitting on the floor in the middle of a pile of slime, bones and unidentifiable body parts. And if he had just gotten on with eating whatever it was, it might not have been so bad, but it seemed he was also trying to paint the floor with the thing's innards before licking the mess up again. Oh, that was just disgusting…

"Oh, that's one of Shepard's eels. It died yesterday, and instead of just throw it away, I asked if Eezo could have it."

Tali wondered for a moment if she was going to be sick. Which, given the limitations of her suit, was an even more unpleasant experience than it was for most species. She backed away quickly, retreating to the living room.

"And he let you borrow his apartment to feed it to him?"

"Yeah. Well, sort of. He said he'd leave it here in the fridge for me to collect. And then he said he wanted to talk later this afternoon, so I figured hey, why not hang out for a few hours."

"…Right…" Tali wasn't going to argue with Jack. Despite mellowing in the last few months, she was still a quick trigger. And completely bat-shit insane, at times. "Great. Well, I just came over to drop off an upgrade for his sniper rifle. I'll leave it… here." She went to put it on the coffee table, then thought better of it, and put it on the mantle piece instead. Out of reach of a certain varren's sharp teeth. "I'd better get back to…" To what? Where had she been headed next? "Garrus wants to meet me in…" Where? She racked her mind for a decent sounding excuse. Oh, Keelah, she had to get away from that smell… "…at the embassies," she blurted out finally. "I'd better go." Without waiting for a reply, she hastily left the apartment, trying to hold her breath until the door closed behind her.

And then she sent an urgent message to Shepard. Maybe he could reschedule his meeting with Jack to another location. And hire a decontamination crew to clean out the stench.


	2. Purple

**Purple**

Tali walked into the room and sighed as she saw James standing at the kitchen counter in the mess, mixing something in the blender. Some chemical gunk for the Kodiak, no doubt – it wasn't the first time he had used kitchen equipment for mechanical work. The measuring jug had been used for coolant, the knives had been used to trim insulation tape and a frying pan has been used to heat engine oil. Whatever he was doing now, it was bright purple, and she just hoped he'd wash the blender properly before he went back to the shuttle bay. And she made a mental note to talk to Shepard about this. The kitchen should really only be used for food preparation-

She did a double take as James grabbed a drinking glass from the cupboard and poured the purple mixture into it.

"You're not… going to drink that, are you?" she asked apprehensively.

"Sure am," James said with gleeful anticipation.

"But it's… purple."

"Yup. It's a patented Vega Smoothie. Full of nutrients, vitamins, minerals… gotta keep the body healthy," he boasted, then flexed his biceps just to show off.

"But it's… purple."

"What, quarians don't have purple food?" He took a large gulp of the liquid. "Mmm mmm…"

"No," Tali said in shock. "Food is green. Or brown. Or occasionally yellow. We don't have anything that looks like… that." In fact, the only purple things on the live ships were a few species of fungus, which used the purple colouring to display their potent toxicity. The medlabs extracted medicinal compounds from them, but no one would ever consider eating something of such an obviously poisonous color. Well, no quarian, at least.

"This is beetroot. Mainly. It's also got carrot, blackberries and a dash of grape juice in it. The grace juice is just for flavour. I picked up some fresh supplies last time we were on the citadel."

"What is beetroot?" Tali asked, edging closer. She was watching James carefully, convinced he was about to drop dead from that toxic… whatever it was.

"Here, I'll show you…" He rummaged around in the fridge and pulled out a small, purple ball. "They have green leaves – you can eat those, too, but most people eat the root."

Wow… it really was purple. "I've never seen purple food before."

"Yeah?" James asked with a cheeky grin. "I'll have to find out if the turians have anything like this. You'll have to try it. Expand your horizons and all that."

"Uh, no. But thanks all the same," Tali said quickly. After a lifetime of social conditioning, her stomach was turning just at the thought of eating something so… bright. "I'd better get on," she added, grabbing a tube of nutrient paste. "There's still plenty of work down in engineering."

She walked away, intrigued and thoughtful, despite the distasteful color of the drink. After all these years, she'd thought she knew humans pretty well. It was startling to realise that there was still so much more to learn.


	3. Infidelity

**Infidelity**

Tali walked into the room and gasped as she saw Shepard in an intimate lip-lock with… Keelah! With Aria T-Loak!

Aria released him, and Tali was just close enough to hear her next words. "Thank you, Shepard. That was… deeply satisfying." And then they both turned away, but not before Tali saw the look of smug amusement on Shepard's face.

That cheating bosh'tet! He'd vanished a few days ago, and it had taken the Normandy this long to track him down and then chase after him, finally ending up on Omega and walking into the tail end of a miniature war. They'd mopped up any stragglers they'd come across and fought their way through to Shepard's location… but while Tali was used to the bizarre and inexplicable things that often happened on the Normandy, _this_ was something she would never have expected, not when Shepard seemed so devoted to Kaidan! And with a woman, no less!

"Shepard!" she demanded, striding forward. "You selfish, arrogant bosh'tet! What do you think you're doing?"

"Tali!" He looked as shocked to see her as she was to see him. "What are you doing here?"

"I could ask you the same question! You just abandon us on the Citadel with hardly a word of explanation-"

"I told Garrus I wouldn't be around for a few days-"

"And then you just vanished! You weren't responding to any messages, you weren't in your apartment, and then EDI found out from Citadel flight control that you weren't even on the Citadel any more! And now I find you here-"

"Aria needed my help to reclaim Omega from Cerberus," Shepard interrupted. "I couldn't tell you where I was going for security reasons." And yes, that would explain the dead bodies, the debris from multiple explosions and the mercs running around shooting anything that moved. But not that kiss, or the replete satisfaction on both their faces.

"And then she took you to bed to reward you for all your hard work, is that it?"

Shepard's jaw dropped, and she could see an angry denial forming… but Aria's expression was far more telling. She simply raised an eyebrow, an amused smirk settling on her face.

"I did not sleep with Aria!" he denied, then turned to the woman herself, clearly expecting her to back up his story. And Tali looked her way, intrigued to hear what she had to say. Aria was generally careful with her reputation, not one to let herself be taken advantage of, of course. But that didn't mean she was totally celibate.

"Wow," Kaidan said, arriving at the group, and in her shock she had forgotten for a moment that he and Liara had been backing her up, their progress through the chaos slow and irregular. "And the fact that you have a sudden need to deny it is a little unnerving." By his expression, he was clearly waiting for an explanation, having missed the beginning of this odd little exchange.

"That's not what it looked like when I walked in," Tali accused Shepard again. She didn't want to cause problems between Kaidan and Shepard… but if he had been unfaithful, then Kaidan needed to know the truth. "And Aria said something about being very satisfied."

Aria laughed out loud at that, and walked away… but Shepard grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her back again. "Oh no, you don't. You're going to explain what that kiss was about."

"You kissed Aria?" Kaidan asked with disgust.

"She kissed me," Shepard corrected him, as if that little detail mattered. "Because I let her kill a man."

"I hardly think Aria needs your permission to kill people," Kaidan protested. "Come on, if you're going to throw lame excuses at me, you could at least do better than that."

Tali looked at Aria… who just smirked. "The great Commander Shepard. Leashed and called to heel by his boytoy. Now that's something I never thought I would see," she said with dry amusement in her voice.

"Aria!" Shepard complained, but Aria paid no attention.

"You were fantastic, sweetheart," she purred, her hand on his chest, and then she leaned up to kiss his cheek. "I haven't had that much fun in years."

"Shepard," Kaidan growled. "There'd better be a good explanation for this."

"We've only just finished fighting Cerberus," Shepard said, pulling Aria back again when she tried to walk away. And this time Bray stepped forward, pointing a gun at his head.

"Let her go," he said shortly, and wisely, Shepard did. But Aria didn't try to go anywhere and who knows, maybe she was just enjoying the show too much.

"I was going to arrest Petrovsky..." Shepard pointed to the dead man lying on the floor "…but Aria wanted to kill him. He was the one who had taken control of Omega. So I let her. She strangled him slowly, then she kissed me for not interfering."

There was a pause, as both Tali and Kaidan thought about that. "Well yes, that does sort of explain it," Tali admitted, relieved that Shepard hadn't cheated on his boyfriend.

"You kissed Aria?" Kaidan said again. "Once we're back on the Normandy, we are _so_ having words about that one."

"As entertaining as this is," Aria interrupted, "I really do have work to be getting on with. You'll forgive me if I don't show you out." She turned and walked away, Bray close behind, and this time, no one tried to stop her.

* * *

This ficlet is continued over in Shepard's Digressions, where we find out what happens when Shepard and Kaidan get back to the Normandy.


	4. The Aftermath

**The Aftermath**

Tali walked into the room, feeling the floor sway beneath her feet. Ohh, she felt sick… The walls were swaying too, so she held on to the door frame for a moment until they decided to stay still.

On the way through Shepard's apartment, she'd run into various members of the crew, and it was a minor relief to know that she wasn't the only one suffering the aftereffects of the party the night before. Joker had been draped over the railing on the stairs, muttering something about finding a bathroom to take a shower in. Or throw up in, he had added. Either one would be nice.

Cortez had been sitting on the couch upstairs, head in his hands and a packet of painkillers on the table in front of him. He'd returned Tali's cautious 'good morning', but didn't look like he was going anywhere in a hurry.

Traynor had met her at the bottom of the stairs, face red, and had excused herself to go and 'try to delete absolutely everything on the extranet'. Tali had no idea what the issue there was – by the time Traynor had done whatever it was she had done, Tali had been far too drunk to take any notice.

And now she'd arrived in the kitchen… where, unfortunately, all the sober people seemed to have gathered. Miranda, that perky Cerberus cheerleader, was perched on a stool looking fit as a fiddle, all bright eyes and straight back, and Tali wanted to tip her off the stool just to watch her fall over. Jacob and Jack were nearby, each holding a cup of coffee and looking fresh and sprightly, making Tali want to smack both of them. Not that she would ever, _ever_ try anything like that on Jack…

"I'm hungry. Are there any more eggs?" Grunt wanted to know, coming back into the kitchen with an empty plate, but James, standing over the stove, shook his head. "Only dextro eggs," he said, stirring the food in the frying pan. "Garrus and Tali haven't eaten yet… Oh, hey, Tali! You want eggs, right?"

Tali nodded, sinking onto a stool. Maybe some food would settle her stomach. Oh, but wait, not everyone in the kitchen was sober. Javik seemed to be not only hungover, but, in fact, still drunk, wandering aimlessly about the room, muttering about 'primitives' and occasionally pointing an angry finger at someone and slurring bizarre threats at them. His latest had been to make James hold a debate with a ditakur, a challenge Javik was sure he would lose, though why James was so certain to lose, or why it mattered in the first place, was a mystery.

And then, just as she thought she couldn't feel any worse… Garrus came into the kitchen. He was looking as handsome and alert as he always did, and Tali vaguely remembered having said something about how sexy he was last night. She blushed behind her helmet, grateful for the first time in her life that no one could see her expression, and hoped that she hadn't actually said whatever she had said _to Garrus_.

"You're looking… a little the worse for wear," he said, looking her over, and Tali made an effort to sit up straighter.

"I'm fine," she insisted, holding onto the counter so as not to slide sideways. "Nothing some coffee and breakfast won't fix."

"Do we have any dextro coffee?" Garrus asked, turning to search through the cupboard, and Tali prayed they did. That, at least, might get her through the morning without making a total fool of herself. But it was hard not to be distracted as she watching him triumphantly discover a packet of dextro coffee, his fingers long and confident as he set about making a pot… humans just had too many fingers, Tali thought, once more glad that her helmet meant that he couldn't tell the difference between her staring at the coffee, and her staring at _him_. And that voice just made her weak at the knees. But he would never be interested in her. They'd been friends for too long, all the way back to when he and Shepard had rescued her from Fist's men.

He set a cup of coffee in front of her, kindly providing a straw as well, and Tali hoped not to do anything embarrassing this morning. She vaguely remembered something about imitating the Normandy last night… Had Garrus been in the room? It probably wasn't the best way to go about getting the attention of your would-be love interest…

Speaking of love interests, she hadn't seen Shepard or Kaidan anywhere this morning. Maybe they could offer her a few tips. They'd spent long enough dancing around each other, neither of them willing to give in and just say they were interested in the other, so maybe, now that they'd actually figured it out, they could tell her how to let Garrus know she wanted to be more than friends?

The eggs were done perfectly, and she ate her breakfast slowly and carefully, this time not because she was hungover, but because that was the only way to eat with the helmet on. And by the time she had finished, the kitchen had mostly cleared out, Cortez arriving in search of coffee, and Grunt lingering, probably in the hope of scoring some more food.

Tali put her dishes into the dishwasher and went in search of Shepard.

And when she found him, a few minutes later, she merely sighed, and wondered why she had bothered to look for him at all. He was in the study, presumably having gone to check his messages, but now he was pressed up against the desk, Kaidan's knee between his legs and their lips locked together in an embrace she was fairly sure they wouldn't want her interrupting.

Tali sighed as she edged quietly out of the room again. Making out in random places seemed to be their modus operandi.

Maybe she should try that with Garrus…


End file.
